I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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