Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
