I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
