This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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