New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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