It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I see more hoeing in ur future
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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