When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i now understand why vodka
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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