No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize