Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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