FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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