I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
