We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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