actually, I'm a sock model
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she peed on how many people?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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