I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
