guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
