is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
