Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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