I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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