MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
