She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
