her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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