Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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