dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
