Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wear drunk well.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
