i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im six kinds of drunk right now
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
