Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I supernannyed him into submission
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
