yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
