you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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