i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
