SEEEEXXX PLEASE
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
