when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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