ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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