they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
