We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
