i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
