The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
