the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i will never coherently bang her
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
