Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
