you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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