How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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