But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
