I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
