yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
