idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
