Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
