after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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