You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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