A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Can Purell be used as lube?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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