Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
