You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
