He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
