i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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