dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He better not be in your backpack
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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