Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
