We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
