Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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