I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i think my cat just said my name.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
