Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
