If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
