dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
