Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
