my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
