I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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