Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
