So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize