My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
