So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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