I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
