dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
