I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize