So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize