yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
